Surrender is linked to so many other things like humility and teach-ability but they all come down to one thing, the heart. In American culture where we rely so much on our own strength and abilities, surrender can be one of the hardest things we do. When I started out my Christian walk, I surrendered things and activities because that’s what you do. But what may have seemed like a motivated heart (looking back 20 years), was a heart motivated by rules and compliance. I did not have a good understanding of what grace really meant. I wanted to please God and I knew there were expectations of what a Christian did and didn’t do. Needless to say, I would have short bouts of where I slipped back into old habits. I never made any “re-commitment” trip down to the altar because I had never lost my faith in God and belief in Jesus as my Savior. I was just working out my salvation. The periods of my backsliding grew shorter and shorter until I got to the point I would think about doing something but not act on it. I had reached a point like the disciples in John 6:68 when Jesus asked if they wanted to turn away and Peter responded “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.”
While that may have been submission of the outward, the inner had a lot more work to be done. I was never very much of an outwardly rebellious child, but I believe it manifested in other ways like being a picky eater or inconsistent with school work and grades. Yes, most kids go through a “picky” phase but in my house it was more a battle of wills: mine and my father’s. I remember one particular night I refused to try something and my father said I would remain at the dinner table until I tried it. I don’t know how long I actually sat there, but the dishes were cleared, the kitchen cleaned, and the dining room light was turned off. I was perfectly content to sit there all night and miss TV and dessert. My mom finally took the plate away at some point and I probably went to my room to play until bedtime. I don’t think I would have allowed me to get away with that kind of subtle rebellious behavior. One of the great things about God is His amazing depth of patience He exercises with us. He will continue to take us around the same path on the mountain to deal with things that hinder us from growing closer to Him. Sometimes we have little victories and move “up” a level in our faith walk thinking we’ve overcome the whole issue. Then a few months or years go by and it comes up again. “I thought I dealt with this, Lord?” and yes, He helped remove what we could bear at the time but now He wanted to deal with it/us deeper.
Part of what has helped me is that I love to learn and I love to read the Bible. I seek feedback. “Lord search me and show me”. The process hasn’t necessarily been easy but as easy as it can be when you humble yourself and throw yourself on the rock instead of letting the rock fall on you because you're too proud or stubborn to surrender. To surrender is to admit you cannot do something. It is allowing someone else to take control. Everyone has difficulty giving up control. It takes faith because you don't know where the surrender will take you. What rocky terrain of trials and struggles you'll have to face. Or the experiences and emotions you'll have to think about.
It's becoming more and more apparent that we are all broken people to varying degrees. One look at the divorce rate or number of one parent homes today is enough proof. But there's also the increase in diagnosis of psychological disorders - not just among adults, but teenagers and young children. We're learning coping mechanisms to hide our disfunctions or have a pill that can do it for us - but we were never created to just cope with something - we were meant to overcome. And to do that requires us to surrender sometimes.
It seems almost contradictory - surrender to gain victory. But that's what happens when we surrender to Jesus. If we allow Him to work in our lives, to heal us and restore us, then we'll have to face the good, the bad, and the ugly. Like any surgical procedure, there is an element of apprehension on our part because we're putting our life in the hands of the physician. We're surrendering. But we also know that after the surgery we should feel better or see improvement. No one goes into surgery expecting to be worse off when they come out and begin recovery.
The "ugly" we have to deal with is something everyone has to come to terms with and that is we are all sinful. Since the fall of Adam there has only been one born without sin and that is Jesus.
The "bad" is those things that shape what we believe about ourselves - those things we've internalized that someone else impressed upon us. It's those things that have happened to us.
The "good" we have to recognize is that 1) we are made in the image of God and 2) once we surrender our lives to Jesus, we are made righteous.
